


Drowning in you.

by ambientbliss



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Always Female Stiles Stilinski, Derek doesn't really talk about it, Derek is a Failwolf, Derek might be oblivious, F/M, Jackson isn't a douche, Miscommunication, Sexual Content, Stiles has feelings, Werewolf Jackson, causual sex, fears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:34:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambientbliss/pseuds/ambientbliss
Summary: After holding Derek up in the pool for 2 hours, Stiles has a surprise coming her way. After misunderstandings, and a few extra stops on a bumpy road to figuring out what the heck is happening... Stiles finally just uses her words.





	Drowning in you.

**Author's Note:**

> *Unbeta'd.  
> *I do not own Teen Wolf.

Exhausted, and soaked to the bone, Stiles trudged up her stairs to her bedroom. Holding Derek up in the school pool was not how she wanted to end her night. It was the only chance she had to possibly play this season, instead she was helping Allison try to find that damn beastiary. If she didn't like Allison so much as a friend, she wouldn't have even offered. Let's face it, Allison was the only girlfriend she had. Sure Lydia tagged along with Allison most of the time, but she still couldn't be bothered. Stiles mulled over the whole night, and the events that the supernatural had plopped into her lap while she showered. Trying desperately but failing to get the smell of chlorine out of her hair. It was finally long and she hated that it smelt like chemicals.

She mustered as much energy as she could to change and get herself to her bed before her legs gave out. Sure Stiles could swim circles around Scott, but try to keep afloat while holding up what had to be 200 pounds of complete muscle was totally different. Holding Derek in the pool for 2 hours was grueling. The memory of her muscles shaking just exhausted her further. All Stiles wanted to do was go to sleep and try to get rest, but her mind would not stop running to what Derek had said.

\---

(in the pool)

 

"You don't trust me, and I don't trust you. You need me to survive." The words were rushed as Derek tried to keep water out of his mouth.

It didn't matter though, each word was a stab to Stiles's heart. Sure Stiles had admitted a few times to not trusting Derek, and she had gotten him arrested... but seriously broody mc-douche-wolf wasn't making a good case for himself then. Now here he was, in a pool unable to move his limbs. Stiles couldn't just let him die. She wouldn't, but Derek wasn't going to take that for an answer. She just hoped that the sharp intake of breath was something that Derek would discount as part of holding him up in the water. 

As time stretched, Stiles's muscles shook. She wasn't going to be able to hold Derek up much longer. As it was her muscles were giving out the moment she pulled Derek back from the bottom after her failed call to Scott. This was how it was going to end, either drown in the pool or be eaten by a giant asshole lizard. At this point Stiles was thinking that her attempt to save Derek was a waste, both of them were sure to die in this pool. Her eyes locked with Derek's as her hand slipped from the bar and they plummeted into the water. Fear was written all over her face, she knew it, but what she saw on Derek's was... almost acceptance. 

Before her lungs could fill, Scott was pulling them out of the water and the lizard was gone. As Stiles lay there on the concrete she could feel Derek looking at her, it wasn't with annoyance, but something else that she couldn't place. Honestly she was waiting for the panic to set it, instead she felt numb. Stiles just hoped she could make it home before giving out.

\----

While she lay in bed, recounting the looks Derek gave her, and her reactions to his words, Stiles idly wondered if Derek was in his train car, yelling at the beta's. Her window sliding open was not something she had expected. The red flash of eyes gave away the intruder's identity, and at this point Stiles could care less. Well that wasn't true. The Alpha that she had been practically pressed into for 2 hours was now in her room. She had thought about him coming into her room at night before, but this wasn't one of those times and definitely wasn't the same scenario.

"I can't read eye brows in the dark Derek. What do you want?"

"I should be asking you that question."

Stiles groaned into her pillow. He was being cryptic as ever, and she just was not in the mood to deal with it. Frankly she didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it. 

"What do you want in return?" 

"What?"

Was he asking what she thought he was asking? It made sense. Derek was the type of person that believed everyone only wanted something from him when they offered their help. 

"Nothing Derek. I don't want anything from you."

It was a lie. Stiles felt her heart rate sky rocket, and she knew Derek heard it. 

"I don't need to tell you that was a lie, you know it."

"Well...." Stiles sucked in a deep breath. What she wanted, she would never get. So that was a mute point. "I don't want anything in return for holding you up. It was... instinct." 

Derek didn't seem to find a lie, instead he just kept staring at her. His green eyes shining in the sliver of moon light that peaked into her room. Stiles just kept staring back. Clearly he had changed... he wore a black t-shirt and jeans, and the room smelt of him. Not chlorine. At least what Stiles could get passed her own scent of chlorine. 

It was weird, seeing Derek just standing there staring at her. It made her uneasy, so Stiles decided to try and stand up. It was slow and a lot of work. Stiles tried her best to stifle any groaning she made trying to stand up. The whole time, the wolf looked at her, not making a move to leave or anything so Stiles proceeded on. That was until she was standing in front of him, making a move to get into his space like he always does to her. 

Then... just like a baby deer on ice... her legs gave. Stiles knew she was going to face plant right in front of Derek. There was no way that she had the arm strength to try and catch herself. She was accepting her fate and endless embarassment when two strong arms grabbed her, pulling her to their owners chest. Stiles looked up to see Derek had a hold of her, what appeared to be concern in his features. 

"Stiles."

"Derek...."

Before she could get words out, his lips were on hers and one of his hand winding into her hair. It wasn't soft and tender, it was passionate and fierce. The kind of kissing that only leads to one thing, and jesus Stiles was not going to protest it. Derek lifted Stiles completely, never letting his lips leave hers. When she was secure on the bed, Stiles felt Derek take his hands out from behind her and knelt over her on the bed, moving his lips to her neck. 

Everything that was happening was like it was out of a dream. Stiles was sure she was going to wake up any moment and be extremely frustrated. Yet, she didn't. Derek continued to move his hands along her body until they got to her hips. Stopping and holding. They were both fully clothed, and god Stiles wanted everything in the world to make that change. Derek buried his face in Stile's neck, and while he wasn't verbally speaking she knew he was asking. She wasn't trusting her voice so her body language had to do. Or she could hand him the one thing that said _green light... go._

While Derek was busy nipping at her shoulder, Stiles shoved her hand in her drawer. Digging for the box of condoms that she kept as Scott's wing girl. She found it half empty and made a mental note to discuss the missing items with Scott... because dear god. Anyway... back to this because why was Stiles even thinking of anyone other than the hot Alpha practically laying on top of her.

She slapped the packet onto Derek's chest, his hand replaced hers, grabbing it from her and then putting his hands back on her hips. There was a brief moment when their eyes locked. Stiles was trying her best to convey that there was no anxiousness in her at all, even though there was. She was trying to read his expression when he flipped her to her stomach. While she wanted to see him the whole time she wasn't going to argue it, she would take him anyway she could get him. Stiles waited anxiously as she could hear Derek unzipping his pants, and tearing open the packet. Her heart was in her throat and there was no way Derek couldn't hear it. 

This was one of the times Stiles was happy she didn't wear underwear to bed, since Derek just pushed her shorts aside. For a fleeting moment, Stiles thought about the implications of what was happening, but feeling Derek lining up pushed all other thoughts away. As Derek bottomed out inside her, Stiles screamed into her pillow. Thankful that her father wasn't home, because there was no way this was going to be quiet. By the grace of god, Derek kept still for a moment letting Stiles adjust to him. The pain throbbed through her abdomen, and her legs. He was so big that honestly, she thought she would break if he moved. 

The pain turned into an ache and Stiles could feel Derek's breath between her shoulder blades. The burst of air were rapid, and Stiles could feel the body above her trembling. Clearly it was hard for Derek to keep control. Before really thinking about it, Stiles pushed back and Derek began moving. His thrusts were harsh. Deep and quick, pulling sounds out of Stiles that she was sure would only come from a porno. Derek's hands felt like they were burning paths into Stiles's skin as they touched her sides and hips. While Stiles was overcome with the pleasure of having Derek inside of her, and stretching her to impossible limits, it was almost too much. 

She didn't want to say it hurt, but it was too intense. Stiles bit into her lip, trying to hold back some of the moans that were coming from her. While she was silent except for small whimpers, Derek's movements changed. Slowing to an achingly slow pace, rolling his hips hitting different angles. When Stiles's noises didn't change her position did. Derek's arm was wrapped around her waist as she was pulled up into his lap with her back presses to his chest. When Derek delivered the first thrust in the new position Stiles couldn't keep quiet. He was hitting her perfectly with every move and the pleasure was crashing into her at a level she never thought she would experience. 

To keep herself steady Stiles brought her arm up, sending her fingers right into Derek's hair, gripping at the strands and scraping at his scalp. A groan slipped Derek's lips right into her ear, and Stiles felt in right between her legs. It was the first noise aside from heavy breathing from Derek, and Stiles wanted more. If he was going to hear her fall apart on his dick, then she wanted to hear him too. Each tug brought another groan, and growl. The noises bringing Stiles closer and closer to hitting her climax. 

As Derek's hand dug into her hips, slamming her into him Stiles fell over the edge. Her body shaking as she threw her head back.

"D...D-Derek!"

She was blinded by the pleasure that was rushing through her. Each thrust after that sent a moan out of Stiles that was downright filthy and she would never admit to it. It was becoming too much, her only reaction was to grip Derek's hair tighter.

"Ung.... Stiles...." Derek's tone was clipped, and almost like he was in agony. With a final thrust Derek was spilling into the condom, and Stiles's name slipping from his lips in a whisper that was so low she wouldn't have heard it in another position.

Derek rested his head on Stiles's shoulder, taking a few deep breathes, trying to right himself. If Stiles hadn't felt like jelly from the pool she would have now. At this point her body was beyond exhaustion, and if Derek hadn't been holding her up she would have flopped face first to the bed. Before Stiles could say anything, the wolf had gently pulled her away from him and laid her down on her side. She didn't watch as Derek removed the condom, or when he zipped up his pants. But she did watch as he sat there on the side of the bed, looking at the floor. As if he was delaying his departure. 

For the first time in her life, words had escaped her. Stiles didn't know what to say or even if she should say anything. So she kept her mouth shut and just watched. Derek gently shook his head, and stood. Heading to the window. He was gone as quickly as he had showed up. Stiles laid there for a while. Just looking at the window. She didn't expect him to come back, but now all she could think about was how conflicting his words and actions were. In the pool he said he didn't trust her, and that she didn't trust him. Basically she was only keeping him afloat to gain something. But this... having sex.... people who don't trust each other don't have sex.... right? Stiles was sure of that, but the way it ended, the way Derek left... it felt like he wanted to say it was a mistake, but wouldn't. With a watery sigh, Stiles rolled over and resigned herself to the fact that it was a mistake, and Derek wouldn't want her anyway. 

\-----

Over the next few months, they found out who the Kanima was, Stiles got a new phone, played and won in the Championships, and got kidnapped by a deranged old man. Her face beaten to almost a pulp.... thank god for makeup. They had managed to save Jackson, and he joined the pack. Well... Derek's pack. Derek and Scott where still on the outs about the whole Scott working against Derek and forcing Derek to bite Gerard. But with the Alpha pack showing up and the durach... well they had to work together.

Every time Stiles and Derek were in the same room, or meeting, or something he would just glare at her like he had before. Nothing changed there. Except.... it did. Stiles didn't want Derek to hate her, she didn't want to hate Derek. She didn't hate Derek. And when Scott finally joined Derek's pack after a whole epic shit ton of ridiculousness happened, Stiles had to find a way to make it work. She still wanted Derek, but she couldn't let it show. She told no one about her and Derek. Scott had his suspicion's that something was different with her, but he was as oblivious as a door knob. Especially with Allison around. 

So, Stiles needed a distraction. Especially after the pack caught wind that Derek, one not dead Derek.... that also was not a fun endeavor... was hooking up with Ms. Blake.... or Jennifer as everyone else called her. Frankly it made Stiles's stomach turn every time she looked at Ms. Blake in class. Immediately she thought of how Derek was in bed, and how now instead of her it was Jennifer, and was he rough with her or was he gentle. It got to the point where Scott was texting her telling her she needed to tone down the anger a bit, the scent was killing him. Stiles did a little victory dance when they found out that the Durach was Jennifer, and Derek ended up killing her before she could steal another virgin. 

Beacon Hills was a mess, Stiles's life was a mess.... and once again.... she needed a distraction. The twins had stayed in Beacon Hills, trying their best to join Derek's pack. Lydia was enamored with Aiden and for once Jackson was on the sidelines with Stiles as the odd ones out. That is when the opportunity presented itself. Stiles wants the distraction, and Jackson wanted to get over the fact that Lydia was all over another werewolf. No matter how much he said he didn't care, part of him was still jealous. Even though they ended on mutual terms because they were just not going to work out anymore. 

That was how Stiles ended up in Jackson's lap in the front seat of his new sports car. Her shirt thrown to the passenger seat, and her shorts kicked somewhere on the floor board. Stiles wasn't as anxious this time, honestly she just wanted to be lost somewhere other than her own mind. Jackson wasn't as big as Derek, but it felt good. Aside from her knees digging into the gear shift, and the handle of the door. Jackson's hips didn't roll like Derek's, and his technique was different. But that's what Stiles wanted. Something different. Each short thrust bringing her closer and closer to the edge, until she was screaming Jackson's name while he sucked her nipple into his mouth. 

She had to hand it to him, she came... a few times, but it wasn't what she expected. Stiles had imagined that Jackson was the type that was in it for his own pleasure, but that wasn't the case. Yeah he wanted to get off just as much as Stiles did...considering the fact that he had her pulled on top of him before she could even get the question out of if he wanted to get laid. 

Once Stiles's shirt was back on, and the rest of her clothes in their rightful place, Jackson put the car in gear and pulled out of the abandoned warehouse lot they had found to talk. They had become closer, tolerating each other a little more when Jackson started to see what it was like to be the odd one out. In front of the pack they were the same old Stiles and Jackson, picking on each other and yelling at each other. But at night when both of them lay awake their text messages told a different story. One that said they were friends... almost "bros". Then their late night texts turned into late night drives. 

Stiles sat in the passenger seat, silence filled the car. It wasn't awkward, except for Jackson glancing at her from the corner of his eye. Like he was watching her, waiting for a reaction. 

"Jackson. Stop staring at me." 

"I can't help it Stilinski.... this isn't like you. Quiet and all... I mean... also...."

"Just say it Whittmore."

"I'm not the first person you hooked up with. Who was it?"

"Wow. That is also none of your business."

"Whatever."

The silence started again as they neared Stiles's house. She didn't care. Jackson had opened a wound he didn't even know she was nursing, and she wasn't going to word vomit to him. No one was going to know unless Derek told them. She wasn't going to say a word. Her lips were sealed. When Jackson pulled up to her house, he put the car in park and turned toward Stiles. Clearly there was something he wanted to say but didn't. 

"Thanks for the orgasm buddy." Stiles turned to him. "We probably shouldn't make this a regular thing. Werewolf sense of smell and all."

"Jesus Stiles. Okay, fine. But... one more. Call it a freebee." 

"Okay. One more. See you later Whittmore."

Stiles climbed out of the car, and shit the door. Giggling to herself as she walked up the walkway, and heard Jackson rev his engine as he drove down the street. They hadn't been planning on having this sort of thing happen between them. They hated each other for the majority of their lives, but when an opportunity presents itself.... why not right?

She knew it couldn't continue. Eventually the wolves would notice. Their super smelling abilities, and the inability to literally keep their noses out of other people's business would ruin the secret. As is was, if one of the pack showed up to her house, or ran into Jackson they would smell them on each other. Stiles wasn't ashamed, it just wasn't something she wanted everyone to know. Well Lydia... or Derek, and Scott might kill him.

The idea of one last free bee would work, but they would have to make it worth it. The problem was as time went on Stiles had to keep herself from texting Jackson and calling him over for a late night booty call. Their late night drives were more tense, so they stuck to conversations that would ruin any chance of another hook up. Occasionally they would tease each other, a wink here and there, or an inappropriate text message in the middle of class or a pack meeting. It wasn't until school was over that Stiles felt like she was going to lose her mind. 

A big bad had come into town and was causing all sorts of problems for the pack during the last week of school. Meaning Stiles was in more and more meetings and pulled into empty class rooms to listen to a plan or create a plan. Every single one of these meetings included Derek. He would just stand there, arms crossed with his signature broody murder brows. Every now and then he would throw in an argument or a growl, but he just continued to glare at Stiles. She was tired of fighting the fact that she was hurt. That she did a lot of things for Derek just to be glared at, and yelled at.

The night they had planned to get rid of the leprechaun.... yeah those exist by the way. No they are not dressed in green and wanting lucky charms. They are assholes. But that night, Stiles was grouped with Derek and Allison. Not of her own choice, but Scott seemed to think that was a good idea. Watching Derek as he didn't even attempt to make conversation with her was depressing. With the effort of fighting it taking too much energy she didn't try. Allison wouldn't pick up on it unless she wasn't focusing on the task.

Stiles kept uncharacteristically quiet, earning side glances from Derek. Anytime he would close the gap between them by walking closer Stiles would move away. Confusion was written all over Derek's face until they found the Leprechaun and dealt with it. Lydia's scream damn near turned the thing into stone so it was an easy fight considering that they had prepared for worse. As everyone stood at the entry way to a service road, Stiles seemed to place her self the farthest away from the group. 

Controlling her mouth was one thing, but body language.... Stiles struggled with that. Her arms crossed her chest, she bit into her cheek, and looked at the ground. If she could see herself, Stiles would say that she looked completely defeated. With the feeling of someone staring at her, Stiles looked up to find once again the eyes of an Alpha boring into her. Everyone else was breaking off and heading home, but Stiles hadn't been listening so she didn't get the opportunity to be out of there before any awkward conversations started.

"Stiles."

"Shit." She muttered. "Yeah?"

Derek walked toward her, the look on his face was something that Stiles couldn't read. She felt like she was being hunted the way Derek stalked toward her, but her flight reflex was not working. Every fiber of her wanted to run at Derek and kiss him... touch him... anything. Sure Jackson was great but god... Derek.

"We need...."

"STILINSKI!" Jackson's voice boomed in her direction, cutting Derek off.

"WHAT?!" 

"You want a ride to your place? Allison is going to Scott's."

"Fuck. Okay. Yeah." Stiles turned back to Derek, and when he didn't make an effort to say anything, she did. "See ya SourWolf."

Being in the car with Jackson was a little awkward. He was clearly trying to listen in on the conversation with Derek that didn't continue, but that was just how Jackson was. As they drove into town an idea popped into Stiles's head. School was out, it was summer, her dad was going to be gone all night so he wouldn't miss her coming in later than usual. 

"Go to the school."

"What?" Jackson turned his head, surprise written all over his face.

"You heard me." Her tone was clipped, which was fine.

Jackson pulled into the parking lot of the school. Stiles got out of the car, and headed to the locker room door. Just as Stiles was pulling open the door she heard Jackson mumble something and run after her. Stiles let the door close behind her and walked into the main area of the locker room. Coach was out of there faster than the students on the last day so it was deserted. At least on the inside. The security still patrolled, but they never went in the locker room unless there were noises. Stiles wasn't even concerned about Jackson's car, there had been 3 or 4 other cars when they parked.

When the door closed, Stiles stood against a locker, waiting for Jackson to find her. He rounded the corner with his arms crossed. There was a lot of that going on today. 

"What are you doing?!"

"Free Bee." Stiles cocked an eyebrow, and just stared at Jackson. 

"Thought you would never ask." 

Jackson moved into Stiles's space, aiming for a kiss to only be stopped by Stiles pressing a hand to his chest. He looked from her hand to her face. 

"Distraction remember."

"I don't know if we should do this here.... the security guard might find you. Are you okay with that?" 

The smart ass tone was back in Jackson's voice. Like he was taunting Stiles. Usually she would aim for something more private, but she wanted to make it worth it. 

"You will have to keep me quiet then." 

"Stiles.... you know what you are asking right."

"Yup." She popped the P and cocked her head. "Hard and fast."

Before they could say anything else, Jackson's pants were around his ankles. Stiles's jeans were kicked to the floor and her tank top pulled down. She was pressed up against the cold tile wall with Jackson slamming himself into her. One hand clamped over her mouth, pulling her head back to expose her neck and the other holding her hips in place. Jackson sucked a mark into the base of her neck while bucking his hips at a brutal pace. 

Muffled whimpers escaped from Stiles's lips as Jackson hit her hard where she wanted it most. Jackson mumbled words and moans into her shoulder as he got closer. Stiles started to wiggle a bit trying to find that perfect angle, but she was just unable to being stretched out like this. With her free hand she rubbed at herself feeling the wetness slip down her thighs. Jackson's thrusts became more erratic, now hitting her at the right angle a muffled scream left Stiles as she came around Jackson. Shortly after, Jackson stilled. Filling the condom. 

Stiles leaned against the wall for a moment, trying to catch her breath. Jackson shuffled around next to her, disposing of the condom and then putting his pants back in place. Something about Jackson that Stiles wondered if anyone but her and Lydia knew was the small gestures. He handed her the jeans that were tossed on the floor in their heist to get undressed, and smiled to himself when she took them. It wasn't just that, it was how he held her up while she got her feet under her. 

Jackson had a gentleness to him that Stiles was sure he never let anyone see. If things had been different, if they hadn't built so much hate toward each other over the years Stiles might have tried with Jackson. When she looked up, Stiles saw a look on Jackson's face that she wasn't expecting. Panic.

"Jackson?"

"Uh... so... I'm sorry?" 

His eyes were leveled at her neck, and that was when Stiles remembered that he most likely gave her a hickey. With wide eyes she ran over to the mirror over the sink and examined the mark. It was small, and slightly purple. She could hide it with makeup well enough, but still.

"God damnit!"

"Sorry. I didn't even think." There was a cocky tone in his voice causing Stiles to spin around and face him head on.

"Seriously! There is a fucking pack bonfire next week! This thing better be gone by then or else I am going to skin you and wear your fur as a fucking winter jacket!"

A silence fell, until Jackson snorted. Trying to keep in the laughter. That broke Stiles out of her anger and she burst out laughing. Putting her face in her hands and groaning a little. Jackson moved closer to her, still laughing and that was a mistake. Stiles reached out and punched him right in the shoulder.

"Ow."

"Oh you are a werewolf get over it!" 

"You want a ride home?"

"Nah. I'll walk. Fresh air will be nice."

Jackson nodded, and opened the door to the parking lot. Holding it and waiting for Stiles to exit. This time she rolled her eyes at the gentlemanly action. This was the last time, and now they had to get back to their regular routine. Pick fights with each other, say things they don't mean and just be assholes. 

"It was fun Stilinski." As Stiles passed Jackson smacked her ass.

"Do that again and you will be the next Peter Petigrew, missing a fucking hand. You may heal but I don't think it will grow back."

"Who the fuck is that?"

"Oh my god. You uncultured swine."

Stiles moved to march off toward her house, but stopped. Turning to Jackson. "Yeah. It was fun." It was his turn to roll his eyes, and watch as Stiles headed home. 

\----

The night of the bonfire came quicker than Stiles was really prepared for. The hickey no longer needed makeup to hide, although it was still there, if not barely. She laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. This was going to be fun, she was going to make herself have fun. Even if she really didn't want to go. Jackson was pestering Stiles about going, and for once it wasn't the fact that he would be there that was putting her off. She could deal with him, even if he had been particularly douchey lately. It was Derek. 

Of course Derek would be there. It was his pack. The problem was, Stiles wanted nothing more than to be around Derek... the issue was that he just seemed to hate her so much lately. Every time she would say something, Derek's comment of "shut up Stiles" was spoken with a little more venom, and hate. It was the pool all over again. His words played in her mind over and over again. _I don't trust you, and you don't trust me_. It hurt thinking about it... then immediately her mind would flow to how it felt with him, and how her stomach did this weird thing when she thought about him like that. Even fantasizing about him hurt her heart, but got her off anyway.

Stiles checked her phone, noticing that if she didn't get ready right now she would be later than she wanted. Her hair was already in messy curls from her attempt to get ready earlier, and her makeup was done. She just needed to get dressed. The summer weather was in full swing, so shorts and a racerback tank it was. With one glance in the mirror Stiles felt satisfied. Her tank hung on her thin frame the front tucked into her shorts that were tight on her athletic legs. With all this running around with wolves and actually playing in Lacrosse games Stiles was becoming more toned, which gave her more confidence. With a firm nod she was out the door headed to the preserve.

Thankfully she wasn't the last one there. Isaac and Scott were the last to show bringing an amount of marshmallows that would make stay puft jealous. Everything was going great. The fire was going, Allison had parked herself right next to Stiles and Isaac was on the other side. Everyone was playing games and telling jokes. Stiles could feel someone staring at her, but she didn't acknowledge it. Peter had joined the party after a while, and mentioned getting to know each other better since Aiden and Ethan had officially joined the pack. 

It was a great idea really, until the question of fears was asked. Everyone was supposed to tell what their biggest fear was. It started with Scott, then Allison. Scott's was obvious... becoming a murdering monster. Allison's fear was accidentally killing an innocent. Then it fell to Stiles. Peter stood, leaning against a tree trunk. His stupid low v-neck bugging the hell out of Stiles. She was sure every wolf in this pack was squirming because they could smell the anxiety coming off of her.

"So Stiles." Peter poses. "Taking out the element of family, because we all know how you feel about losing your father." 

This receives a growl from a few members of the pack. Jackson and Derek included. But Peter brushed it off as he does and continues on.

"What is your biggest fear, something you are utterly terrified of, crippling fear type."

Stiles stilled. She didn't want to say it. It was going to raise questions and she just didn't want to. 

"Can I opt out?"

"No."

Stalling.... Stiles needed to find a way to stall. When she looked up Derek was staring at her, not his glare but a curiosity. The problem here was that the moment Stiles says what her fear is, she was going to have to leave. It was going to be awkward. 

"Drowning." She whispered.

"What?" She knew the wolves had heard it, but the humans didn't.

"Drowning! I am terrified of drowning. Like paralyzingly terrified of Drowning. Are you happy Peter?"

She stood, catching a glimpse of Derek's face. He had the same look that he wore when Scott betrayed him. Stiles couldn't handle that... it hurt. So, she headed to the jeep and drove home. 

As she sat on the edge of her bed, with her head in her hands there was a soft thud. The Sheriff wasn't home and wouldn't be for a while, so it could only be one of three people. There was silence, meaning it was Derek. Stiles didn't want to look at him. 

"Why did you jump in the pool."

"Instinct."

"Lie."

Stiles sighed heavily, she wasn't going to give in that easily. "Why did you come here that night? Why did you have sex with me?"

Derek crossed his arms, and Stiles looked up at him. His expression was pained, as if he didn't want to say it and he hated her for what he was going to say.

"It's what you wanted. You got what you wanted."

"Excuse me?"

"It isn't the first time I was used for sex Stiles."

What?! Stiles thought she was going to be sick. Is that what Derek thought it was? Saving his life in return for sex? Almost _drowning_ , for sex... is he missing something? Jesus.... and holy back track right back to the point where Derek just said he was used for sex before? There was so much going on in Stiles's head right now that she just needed to get out of it.

 

"Yeah... because you use someone for sex when you jump into a pool and almost drown without even thinking because you want to use someone for sex..."

The words were mumbled, but Stiles knew that Derek would pick up on what she was saying. She looked away from him, not knowing what to expect next. All she knew was having him here, accusing her of using him broke her heart.

"Stiles."

"What Derek?" Her voice was shaky.

"You weren't lying when you said you were terrified of drowning. Why did you jump in if you knew you could die?"

"Because you would have died if I didn't. I couldn't let that happen. Not because I wanted anything from you, or needed you to keep me alive... because I couldn't watch another person I care about die." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I knew that there was a chance I would die, and we almost did. Why would I do something I am so fucking terrified of doing, for sex?"

Derek didn't answer immediately. Instead he moved to sit next to her on the edge of the bed. Looking at her. 

"It hurt so fucking bad Derek. Hearing you say you don't trust me, yet there I was holding you up knowing any moment I was going to give out and die. Then we... you fuck me, the first person I've ever... it hurt Derek."

"I... I was your first?"

"Yeah." She sounded defeated. 

"That hickey indicates I wasn't the last either." There was anger and... was that jealousy in his voice?

"Well... I assumed that you hated me, that you were going to say it was a mistake to sleep with me, so I found a distraction. It was a two time thing and we decided it wasn't going to work. Not with the pack."

"It was someone in the pack?" Derek's eyes flashed.

Stiles scoffed. That was definitely jealousy, and Stiles wasn't sure if he was going to go on a rampage or what he was going to do, but she would have to tell him. 

"We really didn't mean for it to happen... at least I wasn't planning on it. Jackson and I just... we both wanted a distraction. Him from his own problems.... me... well I wanted a distraction from you. Something else to replace the sounds, the feelings... the complete and utter broken feeling I felt when you were done with me."

"It doesn't smell like him in here."

"Try his Porsche, or the locker room." 

When Stiles looked up at Derek, there wasn't anger on his face, or even a distanced look. It was hurt. Pure, heartbroken hurt. 

"I figured it was a courtesy fuck and that was it. I didn't tell Jackson... I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell him that while it was good... he didn't measure up. It's kind of hard to tell someone that the things you want aren't what they are capable of giving you."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that... I... I still want you. I don't want anyone else... I tried... but it's not that same even though I don't even know if that was how it is supposed to be."

Derek was silent again. Stiles watched as different emotions and thoughts cycled across his face. He pinched the bridge of his nose. Clearly settling on frustrated and angry. 

"I'm sorry... I shouldn't have..."

"Stiles... basically what you have told me is that you jumped into a pool to save my life because you wanted to keep me alive, because you care about me. Even though your worst fear is drowning, you almost did... for me. Then I came here, asking you what you wanted from me and I... I took your virginity. Leaving you to try to fill the gap with someone else. Making you feel like I was just done with you like a toy."

"I guess."

"Did I... I didn't physically hurt you did I? I wasn't exactly gentle."

"Neither was Jackson." 

"Stiles." This was a whimper. Derek's face was back to hurt.

"Kind of. I mean... it hurt but... I didn't want you to stop. I never said anything." 

"You never said anything. You said my name. That was it. Fuck...." 

Derek stood. Running his hands through his hair... pacing. Pulling a Stiles. He was doing it very well... maybe he watches her more than she thinks. 

"I never asked. I just took because I thought you were... Jesus Stiles. I took advantage of you, and I was rough with you. That's not how that should have been. You could have said no. You know that right? You can always say no."

"I didn't want to. I don't want to say no. Not to you."

"Did Jackson ask." 

This time Derek was firm. This was a yes or no answer question and Stiles knew it. If Derek didn't like the answer, then Jackson would probably be dead by morning. 

"Yes."

"He didn't hurt you did he? Not like... I did?"

"If you call a quick hook up in a Porsche, and a hard fuck on the wall of the locker room after killing a leprechaun anything like what we did... it isn't the same. I didn't know I could feel the way I did with you Derek. You didn't hurt me."

Derek didn't respond. He just stood there with his arms crossed. The same way he did when he came in. Clearly his was battling himself with this whole situation. Stiles knew she didn't make it any better, just throwing all of it at him. Like that was going to fix anything. He feels like he did something wrong, like he wronged Stiles in a way no one should, and the horrible part was she didn't agree.

A lightbulb went off. Stiles was going to do something a little drastic, and she just hoped it didn't make things worse. Anxiety filled her stomach when she stood, and her heart went into a frenzy slamming against her ribs as she stepped closer to Derek. The wolf just stared at her, confusion written in his eyes. Stiles smirked as she leaned up, placing her lips to his. Flicking her tongue across his lip hoping to spur him. He was kissing back but it wasn't with the same intensity, almost like he was afraid to.

Stiles grabbed his hand, trailing it down her side until she was pressing his fingers over her shorts where she wanted him the most. Moaning into his mouth. With her free hand she reached for his waist band, pulling him closer to her as she grazed his growing erection with her fingers until she was palming him in his jeans. That seemed to do it. Derek was tasting every inch of her mouth, and gently rubbing her through her shorts as he backed them up to the bed. 

As they fell back, Derek made his best effort to keep the physical contact. The position they were in resembled the first time they were together. Derek hovering over her, but instead of burying his face in her neck he was looking right at her. 

"You can say no too Derek." Stiles's voice was shaky but for a different reason. "I'm not using you... I want you."

While Derek was just staring at her, Stiles removed her clothes. Realizing for this would be the first time she was completely naked while having sex. When she squirmed under Derek's gaze he went into action. Pulling the clothes from his body. His hand placed right at Stiles's core, rubbing gently. Pulling sharp breathes from Stiles. He was kissing her neck, until Stiles reached down and squeezed his hard cock. 

"Fuck." Derek's breath hot on Stiles's neck. "Say yes."

"What?"

"Stiles... say yes. Please."

"Yes."

The next thing Stiles knew, Derek was pulling a condom from her drawer and tearing open the package. She leaned up to roll to her stomach when Derek stopped her. 

"What are you doing?"

"Well... I mean you wanted me from behind last time.. so..."

"I couldn't look at your face... I want to see it..."

Derek gently pushed Stiles back down, pulled her legs farther apart and lined himself at her entrance. Looking her dead in the eye.

"If I hurt you..."

"Derrekkk...." 

Stiles bucked her hips up a bit, letting his head slip in. A moan fell from her lips. As Derek slid completely into her, he lifted her leg, wrapping it around his hip to give him more access and to make it easier for her. Stiles bit into her lip to keep from screaming. Derek was considerably larger than Jackson, and god she thought he would tear her apart. She had forgotten how full she felt with Derek. 

The wolf stilled above her, looking at her. Not burying his face, not trying to hide. Instead he was open, raw and vulnerable. Watching every move and shuttering at every sound Stiles made. She could feel is body shaking.

"I...if.... you don't have to hold back..." her words choppy between gasps.

Derek didn't answer. Instead he kissed her, delving his tongue into her mouth wanting her to focus on something else. When Stiles was ready, she tugged his hair, scraping his scalp. The moan the left him went straight to her clit throbbing through her body. 

"Fuck... I... do it again."

As Stiles did it again Derek slowly slid out and then back in. His pace wasn't rough, or hard. He was diving deep inside her. So deep that Stiles was pretty sure he was fucking her soul, but god it felt so good. She wanted to scream it, moan it but she didn't. Instead Stiles slipped her hand over her mouth. Derek's pace slowed, as he lifted his hand to hers, pulling it away.

"Don't be quiet." His voice was shaky and husky.

Derek delivered a perfect hit, and Stiles threw her head back, moaning louder than she had before. Derek knew what he was doing, and how to do it. Driving her mad with every skilled thrust. Pushing deeper and deeper. She didn't want it to end, but she could feel herself growing closer. She would come just from Derek fucking her. Just the thought had her slipping into oblivion, she just needed that final push. That one thing to snap the string. 

"Stiles...." Derek grunted. His climax coming up on him.

"Say it again."

"Fuck.... S-Stiles..." His hips stuttered, and hit hard.

"Derek... fuck..... Derek don't stop!" 

Stiles's orgasm crashed into her like a freight train. A white light blinded her as she pressed her forehead into Derek's shoulder as he fucked her through it. 

"Stiles... I can't... Fuck... Stiles!!" 

Derek growled her name, one hard final thrust until he came spilling into the condom. Whimpers leaving his lips every time his hips stuttered. The feeling was almost too much for Stiles. She was over sensitive but she didn't want him to leave. She didn't want Derek to stop. When they both caught their breath, Derek gently pulled himself from Stiles and disposed of the condom. He reached for his boxers and that's when Stiles felt it. He was going to leave her here again. Instead of picking up his own clothes, he picked up Stiles's underwear and tank top. Handing them to her. She put them on and laid back down just waiting. 

"Stiles?" His voice was quiet.

"Hmm?" She could feel the tears starting to come.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah." It was a whisper.

"Lie." Now Derek sounded hurt. He slid back into the bed next to her, still only wearing his boxers. "Why are you lying?"

Stiles took a deep breath, it was shaky and watery and she knew this was going to be a mess.

"Every time I have ever had sex... it's been.... I mean... Jackson dropped me off right after, I walked out of the locker room leaving Jackson there, you left... This... this was different. Every time I have had sex it has been rushed, either pushing my clothes to the side, or just taking off my pants... never the clothes off, slow, hard... not... not that... not what we just had."

"Okay."

"I just... I thought it would be different."

"Stiles this is different. I needed you to tell me yes. God... feeling your nails scratch at my scalp and pull my hair... No matter what I did... I couldn't get that feeling out of my head. This is different because I don't want this to be a one time thing."

"Two time..."

"Semantics." Derek swallowed hard. "I don't have a right to be jealous. I was with someone else. You know that. You... god... you just... I could smell how angry you were and how much you hated her. I feel like shit for what I did. You saved my life and I just... ruined it."

"I saved your life because I love you. You idiot."

The wolf was stunned. Stiles was stunned too if we were being honest. She didn't expect those words to come out of her mouth, but they weren't a lie. Derek knew that. 

"I uhm... I love you too." A smile crept across his lips. "You know this means you can have me whenever right?"

Stiles laughs. How is this her life?!

"Because..." Derek continues "It's never felt like that before... even the first time. I was messed up about it for days... so... I mean... I'm kind of addicted to you. I'd probably let you do anything... I would never say no."

"Derek. You won't say no or you don't want to say no?"

"Same thing."

"It is not. Someone else didn't give you that option. You have the option."

"I don't want to ever say no. Not to you. Plus.... I think I will be the one always asking."

"You know... this means that Jackson is going to find out who took my virginity."

Derek scoffs. Pulling Stiles into him, and burying his face into her neck.

"I'm more worried about Scott and Allison." 

"Awe hell." 

This was the best Stiles has felt in months. Laying in her bed, pulled into Derek's chest. Things are going to be hard sometimes, but she was fairly certain that Derek wasn't leaving her, not now. Not ever.


End file.
